when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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