Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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