Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
