Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize