my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
