This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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