I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
