I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
