What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
