we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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