I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
