He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
