You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
