So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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