Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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