last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
