I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
