Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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