it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
MIDGETS
????
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
