thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So. Much. Porn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
