Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
