A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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