im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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