Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
