We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
