ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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