Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's always time for handjobs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
