I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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