Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As shirtless as possible
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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