Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
