I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dick very happy bro
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
