We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
