i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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