I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
