6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
