What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
