that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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