Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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