this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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