He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
