oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
