hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
