They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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