After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
