If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
honey bunches of taint.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
