Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
