i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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