You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
