I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
