one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
