yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
