she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
