Moan for me like Helen Keller
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
