I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
