After last night, I could never be a politician.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
