Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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