GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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