In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
