Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
